I’m hoping to be able to make updating this blog a semi-regular thing. I’ve tried these blogs before but they always devolve into silence, what with me being unable to write explicitly about what I actually want to write about.

No more.

I’m in a decidedly lonely position. My common-law husband, my primary boyfriend of six-and-some years, has moved far, far away for job training. Meanwhile, I am living with my secondary boyfriend, a man I’ve been dating for eight months. My Master has only recently allowed me to have intercourse with this man, as he has been positioned to be my caretaker while my Master is gone.

I am unable to discuss my relationship in open terms — I live in an area with highly conservative and even religious tendencies, which makes being ‘open’ about my lifestyle somewhat dangerous. Then there’s the lack of those who would truly understand, who see that this isn’t just an opportunity for me to act like a hedonistic whore and fuck whoever I want within a 12 yard radius.

Though there is a little bit of that in there, too.

The last few days have been packed — with discussion, mostly on what next. I’ve been awake all night, and he all day, so our communication (long-distance of course) has consisted of a flurry of nasty text-messages sent in spurts at two in the morning. I think I communicated more with my Master than with the man I’m currently fucking — the one presently sleeping in Master’s bed.

We have this convoluted system of rules, rules we’ve built for each other out of love. He would truly do anything for me, and this is outlined in the kind of freedom I get by way of these rules.

I remember high school, dating when we were young, discussing polyamory even then. The rule was girls-only, that Master would be the only man in my life. I was happy, and pursued what came to be one of my first loves, a large-breasted curvy beauty, amazonian (near six feet tall, she proclaimed,) and delicious.

We romped until she got a boyfriend she was serious about, for a time. A man named T, who was okay with the fact she’d romped with me prior to him. He shrugged, saying simply “You were there first.” I liked him, and his opposite-ness to my Master. He was smaller, shorter, with a propensity for more romance and gentleness than my Master. I enjoyed toying with the thought of this other man… the first other man I’d ever been attracted to, besides my Master.

Meanwhile, Master and I built a loving and satisfying sex life on a mutual love for rough sex and pervy roleplaying. I adored every moment, but could feel my mind scratching at something more … I would not say I was dissatisfied. In fact, quite the opposite — I was more satisfied than I had ever been, and yet I still craved more.

I asked my Master for his permission, which was granted to me. I’m forever grateful to my Master for giving me this liberty, and it is for reasons such as this that I love him so forcefully — I know my Master would do anything for me.

I have decided to create this blog. It’s a space for me to talk about my sexuality, one place where I can be open. Open about my bisexuality, my polyamorous relationship, the dom/sub relationship I’m building … my entire sexuality, in one spot.

It is here for me to express myself.